Mothers and Ramadan

So I tried to partake in Ramadan a few days ago. The hubby went to pray the first half of the night pray at the masjid, and then came home to stay with the sleeping kids while I went to the masjid.

It was not so successful. Rather than feeling a spiritual rush for being in a masjid packed with people praying, I had to fight hard to keep myself awake during the prayer. At first it was hard to keep my mind from wandering with a million different thoughts. So I closed my eyes, and instead I felt as if I would fall asleep standing in that moment. So I open my eyes. Mind wanders again. Close my eyes. I feel a sudden urge to lay down in the middle of the row I was praying in.

There have been a few articles out recently regarding mothers and ramadan, reassuring us that we would be rewarded as much, although we may be missing out on fasting or extra prayers. Thank you, but your words were unneccesary. In fact, it almost felt as if I was being patronized, with male authors telling us how much reward there is in motherhood.

No kidding! Motherhood is hard and rewarding? Tell me more I about something I have been going through for over two years.  Allah will reward us for raising our children? Was there even any doubt of His generosity and mercy, especially towards mothers, the stewards of the Ummah?

And I know a lot of men say with their words how hard motherhood is and how grateful they are to mothers. Well, words do not mean enough. In fact mothers have something kin to a 30 hour workday, while a husband may come home from an 8 hour workday. So stop sympathizing with your words alone, and help out. Pick up a load of laundry, cook a meal, or change a diaper. By the way, this is not a criticism to my own husband, he has been wonderful, despite being in law school. But there's always room for improvement ;)

And one more important fact. When you do that load of laundry, or change a smelly diaper, do it without being asked. Without me dropping a fairly obvious hint. Or even a subtle one, though subtlety has never been my strong point.  Without any mention of it. That will bump you up from 1 point to 100 points for the same act.

How far does a mother's love go?

Lately I have been plagued with a thought that scares me: what If I don't like my kids as they get older?

I love and adore them right now, and the icing on the cake is the added cuteness of their age, Iman being six months, Noor being 2 years old. I realize now that this is the age I LOVE. I cannot imagine a day without their endless (and in Iman's case, toothless) smiles and unconditional love. The tears at the drop of a hat, followed by incessant laughter and giggles. Most of all what I enjoy is their interaction with each other, watching them in complete adoration of one another. I am not looking forward to the day they fight over each other's clothes.

Recently at a gathering, certain friends were saying how they were glad to be done with diapers, baby food, and strollers. But I LOVE this stuff. I revel in it. I cannot imagine a time when it all becomes obsolete. I still have not even thrown away Noor's old pacifiers, not that I am reusing them or anything. I won't part with these teeny, tiny baby blankets, even though Iman rolls around so much they are useless. And I can't stop buying baby clothes. Even though there is literally nowhere to put any more clothes.

My dear friend M.Y. told me her husband always wants more children because he loves the infant age so much.  I never understood that. Until now.

So mothers with older children, I ask you, does a mother's love ever run out? Or does it morph and continue to grow with your child?

The other side

I should have known that my feelings would change in a second.
I wish I was working in television right now, covering the Olympic Games. *sigh*

Just as I thought to myself last week about how happy I was with my current occupation, as a stay at home mom to two girls. And then *poof*; just like that I am wondering about the other side.

Allah knows best.