Realisation

I am sitting in my car waiting for Noor to wake up so we can attend a baby shower. I browse Facebook on my phone and someone posted a status about a salah how to chart for kids.

And then it hit me.  Up until now my concerns have been making sure she has enough dresses,  gets her naps in,  has enough playtime with other kids. But so far this has all been the easy stuff right?  

As she gets older, how will I teach her right from wrong and modesty in her actions? For now prayer is a fun exercise for her, but how do I convince her it's her entry to jennah? How do I even get her to believe in jennah and the akhirah and look past this life? How can I get her to love the Quran? How do I get her to love learning?

Perhaps the when is as important as the how.  When do we parents look past the tickling, play fighting, ABC 's and silly songs?  I don't believe in sending our kids to preschool with $20k a year tuition either, but I have not yet decided what will be best for Noor.

I know there is no ONE right answer. And in the grand scheme of all this, it falls back on the nature vs. nurture debate, with no clear conclusion.  While I continue to try to work it all out and determine what is going to be best for her,there is one thing I can do right now. I can, God willing, be the best version of me there may be (I hope).  I can just be in front of her as an example. Maybe, just maybe, she will pick something up, on her own time. But I won't push it. For now we'll work on mastering wheels on the bus.

Wake up, Sameera

My dear A.A. told me once she read somewhere that sometimes you see people who have passed away in your dreams, that it means that your souls are meeting. It was a sweet and beautiful thought. We stumbled onto this discussion because we were talking about Rehab.

I wonder if it's true. I would imagine my encounter with Rehab to go like this:
"Rehab I missed you so much"
"I missed you too Meera, how have you been?"
"I am good Alhamdulilah"
"Are you sure"
"What do you mean?"
"You are the same person I left behind. How can that be? Have you learned nothing from me?"

And then I'd wake up, and feel the guilt and disappointment in myself all over again. For forgetting the lessons Rehab worked so hard to teach those around her. And losing the gifts she left for me along the way, leaving my compassion behind, forgoing any ounce of patience I may have in me for the impetuousness I am more inclined towards. And most importantly, putting my faith in Allah last in times of need, trying every possible way to ease a situation and asking Allah for help as a last resort, when it should be my first step.  How could I forgive myself for forsaking her biggest gift to me: total and utter reliance on Allah.  Without this, I stand no chance in this world.

Well, I won't be too ambitious, because I know I may not wake up tomorrow and start building a school from the ground up, or travel to a far away country to help feed the needy.  But I will start tonight, God willing.  As the Bible states "Charity begins at home." I can do this.  So can you.