Vacation Plus One

I have recently started to appreciate the numerous blessings of travel. To see and experience new places and things, see how diverse our world is. To eat awesome food. Maybe the best part. Having the chance to spend the time traveling with my husband, getting to know each others' likes and dislikes, developing more patience for each other, as we work through the stresses that travel can bring. And finally to come home and appreciate all the comforts I have waiting for me. We have indeed been blessed to have the means and opportunity to travel over the course of our marriage. Not big trips all the time. But even a 1.5 hour drive to Mystic, Ct. was memorable in its' own way.

As the weather heats up in New Jersey, people around me are heading out on "holiday". I guess our generation is still young enough that we associate summer with vacation, as if we were still in school, and with June around the corner, the "summer vacation" bell is ringing loud and clear. My brother left today with his wife for Florida. My friend A.A. and her husband are traipsing around Italy.

We were very fortunate to have just returned from London with our daughter. It was a wonderful 6 days, and I like to look through our 500+ pictures every few days. I don't always do that with vacation pictures, but something's different this time. Our Plus One. Vacations in the past always felt like something was missing. The husband and I would take pictures of each other in front of landmarks, or shyly scour the crowd for a kind stranger who would take our picture, without running away with our camera. It was awkward. And sad, to come home from vacation but look at pictures of each of us alone, as if we were on the trip by ourselves. Where was the proof of all the cool things we did together?

At least this time we had the baby in our pictures, her face capturing the excitement and adventure of our London journey. We even managed a few family pictures, courtesy of my awesome host, A.A.

I thought having a baby would make the journey more difficult, but it was not the case at all. It was nice to plan things for the three of us, and wonderful to see her enjoy herself. It made us enjoy what we were doing even more so.

So to my brother and A.A., take your next vacation with a baby, I promise it will be even more fun ;)

(Noor seeing the world through her own eyes at the Museum of Science)

English Fish and Chips in the Garden State

Since being back from London, I have been craving fish and chips. We had it once, and it was quiet delicious. So I scoured the internet for a traditional recipe, hoping for something to recreate the light, crispy, non-oily batter I was treated to in London at Ahmed and Areeg's favorite chip shop. As it had happened many times before, I found what I was looking from one of my favorite Food Network chefs, Tyler Florence.

I tried to be as authentic as possible, so my fish was accompanied by chips (a.k.a. American fries) and mushy peas.

Here is how you can recreate the meal.

Let's start with the chips, which was handled beautifully by my sister. I was skeptical at first when I heard her method, but they turned out delicious.

Peel and slice potatoes into finger sized pieces, about 1/2 inch thick, by 2 1/2 or 3 inches long.

Add to deep fryer, or pot filled with oil you want to deep fry in, WHILE the oil is cold. Turn stove on medium and let potatoes cook several minutes, until almost cooked through.

Turn heat up to medium high, and cook a few minutes more until chips are brown and crispy. Drain on paper towel and season with salt.

On to the fish, courtesy of Tyler Florence, from Food Network. This recipe makes a ton of batter, perhaps enough for 8 pieces, so cut in half if you need to.
Ingredients
Vegetable oil, for deep frying
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 (12-ounce) can soda water
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 (8-ounce) cod or haddock fillets, cut in 1/2 on an angle
1/2 cup flour, for dredging

*Tyler uses rice flour here, instead of regular, but I did not have. I thought mine was still great with the substitution.

Directions
Heat 3 inches of the oil in a deep fryer to 375 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, salt and pepper. Combine soda water and egg and pour into the flour mixture. Whisk to a smooth batter. Spread the flour on a plate. Dredge the fish pieces in the rice flour and then dip them into the batter, letting the excess drip off. Fry the fish and chips for 4 to 5 minutes until crispy and brown. Drain on paper towel, and serve immediately.


One last thing: the mushy peas. The real English mushy peas are some sort of dried peas, soaked overnight...blah blah blah. I bought home a bag of frozen, organic peas, cooked it on the stove top for just a few minutes.


They would have been delicious as is, but I wanted mushy peas so I mushed them. They were still delicious.


Bon appetit.

The one regret from my London journey

The title is misleading really. I have few regrets, as my friend Areeg saw to it that we experienced everything there was in the city. It was a busy and tiring few days but it was worth it. From the Tower of London, Harrods, and onwards to the wonderful, amazing (and free) museums, my feet were not happy, but I was.


Especially when I saw what a wonderful time my daughter had. This was Noor's third vacation. At the ripe old age of 14 months, Noor had several stamps in her passport. London was probably the most child friendly city I have ever been in. From old gentlemen, to teenagers, everyone seemed to love and appreciate kids, always turning to smile and play with Noor, and Areeg's daughter Sulafa. At one point a woman and her son were running to catch their train, when they caught Noor's eye. They both stopped to play with her and make her smile, before they went on.

And what a kind city it was. At one point I waited at the top of a stairwell for my husband to help me bring the stroller down, 6 (yes SIX, I counted) people asked me if I needed help bringing it down, including one man who was limping himself. It was a great renewal of faith in the kindness of strangers.

We were fortunate to visit the Mosque of Central London, while not an impressive building from the outside, it was quiet different on the inside.


The East London Mosque on the other hand had a great presence on the outside. But the inside left much to be desired.


At times it felt like we were not in London, but an Arab country. Walking through the parks, we would see groups of women in flowing jilbabs, congregating on the grass, enjoying a picnic lunch. At one point we saw a few girls with a portable hookah in the gardens at Regent's Park. This next picture shows a storefront we walked past a few times. In the midst of expensive hotels and pristine residential buildings on the posh Cromwell Road, it seemed both out of place and right at home at the same time.


So back to my one, teeny, tiny, forgettable regret: I did not eat enough. I wasn't sure what to expect when it came to food, as London does not have a reputation for good food. Though food was an afterthought on our trip, as we were too busy trying to make it to all the sites, I quickly caught onto the fact that while British food was not so desirable, the ethnic food was simply amazing. Especially anything with lamb. I am not a big chicken person, so I can't say if that was as delicious, in fact I did not have chicken once in six days.

We had some fantastic meals, delicious Arab and Pakistani food, classic fish and chips, mushy peas, good sushi. We became addicted to the flat white, a delicious concoction between a cappuccino and a latte, with two shots of espresso. And spent the entire week devouring delicious croissants and pastries, which were as delectable as you would find in the best bakeries in NJ/NYC. Except in London you could find them on any street corner. And how could I forget my first taste of French macaron, amazing cookie type creations. Thank you Areeg for introducing us.

(not my own picture)

But I know I missed out on what is apparently an amazing ethnic food culture. I thought perhaps it was just us who loved the food in London so much, after hearing the opposite from friends. But then my husband told me about an article, where the great Joël Robuchon himself, a man with 25 Michelin stars to his credit, shared my enthusiasm for London cuisine. In an exclusive interview with a London newspaper, The Standard, he said said he 'would argue that London is very possible the gastronomic capital of the world.' If you know who Robuchon is you would know the gravity of that statement. I hope to one day be able to return to London, this time to take the foodie tour of the city. Until then, my mouth waters.

A new project

My newest project is to write proper, picturesque food blog entries. Please send your critiques my way.

Mercimek Corbasi - Turkish Lentil Soup

I find that lentil soup is almost as universal as rice and meat dishes around the world. There is adas in the Middle East, daal in the South Asian cuisine and in Turkey, Mercimek Corbasi, one of my favorite soups, when made well. I have tried this recipe several times and it always comes out delicious, and always the same. Having a recipe turn out the same way every time is not a gift of mine, so I respect this soup for tasting the same every time. I also appreciate that the soup is made with water, as I do not always have chicken broth on hand and do not like to use dried bouillon cubes, they don't seem entireley natural.

I also made a few tweaks to the original recipe, such as turning down the spice level, but that's entirely up to the cook. I also added one of my favorite ingredients of all time to the recipe, Turkish red pepper paste. It's a delicious, subtle and versatile flavor and I add to almost anything, from meat marinades to curries. I would definitely keep a jar in the house if I were you.

Mercimek Corbasi - Turkish Lentil Soup

Ingredients (servings 6)
- 1 medium sized onion, diced
- 1 medium sized carrot, finely chopped
- 1 medium potato, finely chopped
- 1 cup red lentil
- 6 cups water
- 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (more or less to taste)
- 1 tsp cumin
- 1 tsp black pepper
- 1 tbsp dried mint
- Salt to taste
- 1 teaspoon red pepper paste
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 1 tbsp flour
- 1 ½ tbsp butter


Heat olive oil in a pot. Sauté onion, until soft, less than 5 minutes.

Add carrot and potatoes. Saute another 3 minutes.

Wash red lentil, drain and add it to the pot. Saute it for 3 minutes.
Keep stirring. Add spices and salt to taste (go easy on salt, as you can add later). Add the red pepper paste now as well.

Add six cups water, and bring to a boil. Let it cook until the vegetables and lentils get soft enough.If they can easily be mashed when you press with a spoon, it’s done. It takes about 30 minutes over medium heat.
Do not cover the pot during this time as it can rise and overflow.

In a small pan, melt the butter. Add flour and mix it continually. When it becomes creamy, pour it into the pot with lentils.


Depending on how thick you want the soup, blend the soup in a blender, or with a stick blender.

Cook for another five minutes.

Traditionally, this soup is always served with lemon wedges. I also melted a teaspoon of butter, and added to it a tablespoon of olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon dried mint, 1/4 teaspoon paprika. It didn't put it over the top in deliciousness, but it looked pretty on top.

Mother, not martyr

From Suhaibwebb.com. I love the title. I heard from one of my favorite mommies, H.A., with some comments on this article, particularly about how it is difficult for mothers to take this "advice" without having the right support system. What do you think? What do you need from your men to put this into practice and not lose yourselves? I will post my thoughts later.

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Being a mother is certainly not easy. As Allah describes in the Qur’an, “…in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning…” (31:14). These travails are often referred to as pregnancy, birthing and nursing. But that is just the beginning.
Mothers are in the daily “trenches” of changing diapers, helping with homework, cooking dinner, disciplining and running between work, picking kids up from school, and soccer games. These daily acts of service to her family can encompass her so completely that she loses balance and perspective of herself. When a woman loses the deeper spiritual significance of motherhood, she may feel that the duty of a mother is to martyr herself for her family by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. But carrying all the burdens and difficulties is not the path to being a good mother. In fact it only depletes a woman, and may even build resentment, making her think that her children and her family “owe” her, as payback for her “martyrdom.”
As the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) taught us that: “A person’s wealth shall not decrease with charity.” What better charity is there than the charity of a mother helping her family? However, as with all forms of giving, the reward is in the giving, not in what is paid back to us by those we give to. Indeed all forms of giving benefit the donor, when done right.
Motherhood is a journey that allows one to witness the growth of a child as well as instill growth in women by making them stronger and wiser. Allah blesses women with children and in turn mothers make a promise to Allah to nurture children into adulthood. Through the process of parenting children, one realizes that it is also about role modeling a balanced and healthy lifestyle to children. Being a mother is not being a martyr. Rather it is respecting the trust and responsibility of raising children as well as respecting yourself as a strong woman. Children will respect their mothers as women who service their families for the sake of Allah. The responsibility of motherhood makes a woman grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually because she is tested in all areas. She learns to stretch herself to serve those around her with the ultimate purpose of pleasing Allah, while at the same time not losing herself. A mother should not simply become weaker through her giving, but stronger and more balanced.
Here are six ways mothers can find balance and stay focused in order to get through the tough days of parenting as well as enjoy the journey of motherhood:
1. “I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious.” Childhood will end one day and my “baby” will soon be an adult. Our children are changing daily and maturing into an adult. Parenting is celebrating the everyday moments more than focusing on the milestones of our children’s life. Spending quality time with our children and making time to communicate and share with our children is what will be remembered. The mundane activities in our life are the ways we connect daily with our children, so we need to see them more as experiences of connection rather than activities we just need to get through and move on to the next.
2. “I will take care of myself.” Physically, mentally and spiritually. By constantly giving attention to our children and husband, we many times forget to take care of ourselves or we put our needs at the bottom of the list. Some mothers don’t even put themselves on the list at all. But as mothers we can only give as much as we have, and if we do not refill our own tanks then we will have nothing left to give. Taking care of our bodies through exercise is vital for our physical health as well as boosting our overall mood and energy. Spending time exercising is not selfish, unnecessary or extra. It must be seen as a priority in order to be able to do our duty as a mother. Taking care of our mental and spiritual self is also vital because this is the area that is most challenged and drained from us when raising our children. The intention of our daily prayers is to help us refocus and slow down our hectic lives, especially as mothers. Since women are the “heart” of a household, we must find inner peace in order for the family to feel in balance. Finding and sustaining self-confidence and happiness will manifest to our children and husband.
3. “I am not a perfect mother.” Many Muslim mothers have extremely idealistic views of parenting or high expectations of themselves as mothers. Our children do not need us to be perfect and they actually will easily forgive us when we acknowledge our mistakes and show our imperfections. We must accept that we will make mistakes which will be opportunities for us to grow and become smarter moms for future challenges. We need to forgive ourselves and release ourselves of the burden of striving for perfection. We need to eliminate the thinking that other moms have attained perfection and they do everything right. We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us.
4. “I will make my marriage a priority.” Children place a huge strain on a marriage, especially for mothers of young children. Many mothers focus entirely on the needs of their children and in the process neglect their relationship with their husband. Physical and emotional exhaustion leave women with little energy left to give to their husband and this attitude of “nothing left to give” can cause disconnection in the marriage. It is vital that we find balance in our marriage alongside parenting because not only is it good for our children to witness a healthy relationship, but it is also good for our mental health. The companionship of a spouse is one that will supersede our relationship with our children, especially as children grow older. We must maintain a loving connection to our spouse so that we can grow old together and be further bonded to one another after the children are grown and married. This means we can’t put our marriage “on hold,” rather we must maintain a bond of friendship and love through the trying times of parenthood. It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. Going on “date nights” and weekend outings as a couple is vital for the bond to be maintained and sustained.
5. “I will value my friendships.” Connecting and sharing with other women helps us to realize the commonality in our struggles as mothers and women. Having sisters and girlfriends in our life makes us stronger because these relationships nurture us emotionally and help us manage the stress in our lives. Our girlfriends and sisters have a special place in our lives that even our husbands cannot fill or replace. Making time to connect with our friends will help us feel happier and recharged so that we are able to give to our children and husband. Talking to and going out with girlfriends is vital for mothers to boost their connection to other women. It will improve our moods and fill our tanks so that we can give to our children and better connect with our husbands.
6. “I will prioritize family dinners.” Eating together as a family is a daily activity of bonding. Routines in children’s lives can foster a deep sense of security. Creating traditions such as eating together is meaningful to our daily lives because it is a time the family comes together to share their day and connect with one another. Research has shown children who regularly have dinner with their families are more likely to do better and make good choices with regard to friends, drugs and sex. Bringing everyone together daily will create a more communicative family dynamic, and the tradition of food, conversations and joy will be the memories that everyone will cherish

I was right.

I was right. I love London, just like I thought I would.

See everyone back home next week.

London Bound

I am going away next week, to see London, Big Ben, walk alongside the Thames River, and wish Kate and William well on their recent marriage (since I missed the wedding). What I am looking forward to most is spending quality time with my dear friend Areeg.

What Areeg is most looking forward to is having proper British afternoon tea. What is afternoon tea? According to a quick google search it is "a light midafternoon meal of tea and sandwiches or cakes; "an Englishman would interrupt a war to have his afternoon tea." I've always wanted to go and what better place to do it than the city where it all began.

It will be our first time, and our concern right now is "what to wear?" So I googled that too: The dress code for traditional afternoon tea is still smart. Ladies don't have to wear dresses, hats and gloves anymore, but gentlemen are required to wear a jacket and tie in most places. Whew, good thing we are not gentleman (and we will not be accompanied by our gentlemen on this outing), but we are fairly certain that our collection of sneakers and comfort shoes will not do. In fact most of my wardrobe is not "smart". It's more "mom." I wish I had a tiny violin right now to lament the state of my wardrobe.

After some thought I've decided to wear a long dress. I will now turn my attention to my sister's closet, since I do not own long dresses. Having sisters is such a blessing, for so many reasons, but I really appreciate the sharing of the wardrobe, the style advice and the often heard back and forth "You're wearing thAt?"

Having sisters is just one of the blessings I've had growing up in a big family. Like most kids, I did not appreciate my family growing up. Many times I was held back from things I wanted to do because my parents wanted to make an example of me. My siblings were able to do everything I did, about 5 years sooner. And I was usually angst ridden, focused on what I could not do, and overlooked what I could do.

In retrospect I was so blessed. I always had a friend (though we were not always friends). Between six children, we were never short on company. In fact, I know at times we desired privacy from each other.

Now that I am a mother, I sometimes tell myself what I would like to do different form my parents. But all in all, I loved the way we were bought up. While we were growing up it all seemed abnormal and crazy, I now see how it was more normal than I could ever hope for. I wish for the same, and even better for my daughter. I pray for a big family for her, so she always has someone by her side, Inshalah.

To be or not to be..a cynic that is

Without going into the details of who, one of my sisters got a rishta recently. It came from what seems on the surface to be a normal, well educated boy, from a decent, down to earth family. So why is my first thought be "what's the catch?"

I have to thank A.A. for reminding me today of how lucky I was to have had a marriage process that was neither drawn out, difficult nor full of drama. By the mercy of Allah, I married someone who was good for me in every way, bought out the best in me, and continues to do so every day. My mother reminds me of this every day though, so, thank you Mom. I love you.

So why the cynicism? Part of it is because I have wonderful friends and family, perfect in every way, having a hard time getting married. It's not as if they are holding out for a prince. So why are they having so much trouble finding a decent, respecting, religious man? Where are all the good men?

The other part of it is from what is going on in our society today. I wish I could shut my ears and eyes to everything around me. There are pre-marital affairs, extra-marital affairs, abuse, divorces, and all kinds of drama ripping apart the community. Young men and women are going through several relationships, before deciding to just give up. Are people short on faith? Is it a lack of humanism in people, that they turn to the person who should be the most beloved to them and betray them, emotionally or physically? I don't have any insight, but all I know is every time I touch my forehead to the ground I fall short of expressing my gratitude to Allah for all that my loved ones and myself have been blessed with.

On being 3*

This past month, April 1st, I turned 3*. If you don't already know, in addition to being my age, I am two years older than my husband, which I never feel except when I am reminded of it.

I guess I have had a rough couple of weeks with my daughter. She turned one on march 7th, and sleep has become even more elusive. She hasn't been sleeping well at all, often ending up wedged between my husband and myself on our *gasp* queen size bed, in my desperate attempts to lie down for more than one consecutive hour. Getting out of bed constantly was not cutting it. In her defense, she is going throughout a LOT. She just started walking recently and cannot rest for a second; she is a bundle of energy. And then let's not forget her newest additions, two adorable front teeth coming in; she's been pretty miserable at night teething, which means I've been pretty miserable at night. At this point I would do anything for a night of quality sleep. Almost anything.

I didn't know how bad it had gotten until I shared my feelings with two dear friends recently. I asked them if they ever felt as old as I did. They are also in their 30's, but several kids ahead of me, and I have seen them with their kids. Loving, energetic, willing and seemingly able to go to any length to play with, entertain, or even just hang out. And here I am on my first child, feeling overwhelmed more often than not, wondering on some days if I have the energy to take care of her until bedtime. Or hoping someone would come home soon to help keep her busy. And if I am this way now, by the time she is 15, I might as well be following her around with cane. I know of a friend whose father told her "having children ages you", but in my case it seemed to do so exponentially.

Well I want to thank you, M and J, for reminding me that I am ONLY in my thirties. I may feel like this off and on, but it does not mean I am already old. And that one day, inshalah, I may feel young again. In fact you were right. She started sleeping a teensy bit more decent, as did I, and that gave me an extra ounce or two of energy throughout my day. It wasn't much, but a big help.

Bless you both for reminding me that I am not a senior citizen.

However I had a relapse yesterday. I went to sleep shortly after the baby did. Missing what was possibly the biggest news in months: the demise of Osama bin Laden. So note to self: do not sleep at the same time as a one year old. It's just sad.

Moms nite out