Jam reminds me of Allah's blessings. And life reminds me of death.

Recently I have found what I consider to be the best jam I have ever tasted. Ever. It has only 4 ingredients. Strawberries, rhubarb, sugar, acid. It's that simple. It's comes from a chef in New York City,Sarabeth. Aptly, the jam is named Sarabeth's.

By the way, did you ever hear Rehab talk about rhubarb? Thanks to a Jamie Oliver cookbook chapter, she was obsessed with it for a short while, trying to buy it (as it was not an easy supermarket buy), looking for rhubarb recipes. I can't remember if she ever got around to making it. But I bet Zaied would remember, as he was often her taste tester. Lucky him ;). If anyone would have appreciated this jam as much as me, it would be Rehab.

Anyways back to this jam. It's sold in select supermarkets for *gasp* $9.99! Sometimes it's on the same shelf as Smuckers, which is a quarter of the price. I know that the price is preposterous, but I have only bought it a handful of times, on sale for $6.99. You are probably thinking what's the big deal, it's only $7.

But to have this jam is a reminder to me of all the blessings from Allah. That I am able to go safely and conveniently buy it. That I can have it whenever I want. That I am able to spend that amount of money on a condiment, without thinking twice about it's weight on my (however meager) pocketbook. It's much more than jam. Alhamdulillah.

Now onto the second part of the title. Before I begin, let me tell you that today, march 24, 2011, my daughter Noor started praying. She held onto the ottoman, for the earlier prayer, and later the sofa, and bowed down repeatedly, mimicking my ruku. And she mouthed non-words, I guess her version of the Quran. It's so amazing how kids pick up everything we do.

So Noor recently turned one. What a blessing she has been over the past year, full of life, love, energy, and so much more. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined her to be the way she is, let alone thought to ask Allah for such a beautiful, tiny being.

I distinctly remember an afternoon about a month ago, when Rehab was not yet in the hospital. Noor was playing on the bed with some toys, jumping on me from time to time for a hug and a kiss. I can still feel how my heart ached, and my eyes began to sting as I realized Rehab does not have this. I begged Allah to give her something to love as much as I loved my own daughter. I pleaded and rationalized with Him how her and Zaied would be such excellent parents, that this world really needed them to put some great kids amongst us.

But in my moment of weakness, I overlooked His power and mercy. I doubted (may Allah forgive me) that what Allah gives, or doesn't give, is with reasons beyond our understanding. And I forgot that every soul will get what he or she deserves, that Allah is most just.

I am slowly realizing that Rehab's passing was a blessing to her. Why was I asking for her to have a child in this world, when I know that any being here would pale in beauty and perfection to her family in Jennah.

All I ask for now is to have many, many playdates with her in Jennah inshalah.