I have been applying to jobs here and there, asking former employers to keep an eye out for me. I have days where I thoroughly enjoy being at home, then days where I am down on myself, feeling like a loser because I don't have a job. Then I quickly remind myself, if I can't find a job, it is surely the doing of Allah who is guiding me towards my daughter and the precious time we have together. Alhamdulilah.
And here I am, for the first time since Jan. 2010, at work. It's not permanent, who knows if I'll even be called back, but I am working an 11-7 shift today at CBS News.
I got the call last night around 9 pm. Even though it was late, and I had plans for Sunday, I jumped on it. You see I have not yet resolved what it is I am. A stay at home mom or a working mom?
Even though it's only one day, I am looking forward to reuniting with my daughter in 3 hours, to see the look on her face. Of course I have left her before, but never for this long. Will she welcome me? Or will she be upset, confused, where could I have gone, left her for so long? The clock hand is simply not moving fast enough.
2 comments:
ugh, I totally know how you are feeling. That duality is something I haven't overcome, not sure if I ever will. May rabna make it easy on you, but expect there to be a constant dilemma as nothing you do is as fulfilling as being with your cutie. One thing is true, you can make it a positive experience for both of you since she will learn a little independance and you will have extra excitement for the time you spend together :) Let me know how things work out for you, it would be great to have some support!
Thank you for your comment Dalal. Sometimes our expectations shape our reality and perception. After reading your comment, I am letting go of the unrealistic notion that I will one day find a perfect balance. And since I won't be disappointed, i should be happier :) inshalah
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