Mothers and Ramadan

So I tried to partake in Ramadan a few days ago. The hubby went to pray the first half of the night pray at the masjid, and then came home to stay with the sleeping kids while I went to the masjid.

It was not so successful. Rather than feeling a spiritual rush for being in a masjid packed with people praying, I had to fight hard to keep myself awake during the prayer. At first it was hard to keep my mind from wandering with a million different thoughts. So I closed my eyes, and instead I felt as if I would fall asleep standing in that moment. So I open my eyes. Mind wanders again. Close my eyes. I feel a sudden urge to lay down in the middle of the row I was praying in.

There have been a few articles out recently regarding mothers and ramadan, reassuring us that we would be rewarded as much, although we may be missing out on fasting or extra prayers. Thank you, but your words were unneccesary. In fact, it almost felt as if I was being patronized, with male authors telling us how much reward there is in motherhood.

No kidding! Motherhood is hard and rewarding? Tell me more I about something I have been going through for over two years.  Allah will reward us for raising our children? Was there even any doubt of His generosity and mercy, especially towards mothers, the stewards of the Ummah?

And I know a lot of men say with their words how hard motherhood is and how grateful they are to mothers. Well, words do not mean enough. In fact mothers have something kin to a 30 hour workday, while a husband may come home from an 8 hour workday. So stop sympathizing with your words alone, and help out. Pick up a load of laundry, cook a meal, or change a diaper. By the way, this is not a criticism to my own husband, he has been wonderful, despite being in law school. But there's always room for improvement ;)

And one more important fact. When you do that load of laundry, or change a smelly diaper, do it without being asked. Without me dropping a fairly obvious hint. Or even a subtle one, though subtlety has never been my strong point.  Without any mention of it. That will bump you up from 1 point to 100 points for the same act.

Ramadan 2012

This is my fourth year of not fasting during the month of Ramadan.  Year 1- pregnant. Year 2-nursing. Year 3-pregnant. Year 4- nursing. My poor husband has been eating suhoor alone for years, waking up alone in the middle of the night to have this early meal and get ready for his day of fasting. It's hard enough getting up, I imagine it's much harder getting up alone.

I am scared of what it will be like for me when I do start fasting again. But for now I am trying my best to come up with ways to absorb the blessings of this month.

I don't have too many ideas, so I welcome your ideas. For now I am sharing daily goals with a friend who recently moved to Europe.

Today's goal was not to get cross with the kids. ALL day. It was not easy, in fact, I failed. I will try again tomorrow, along with the next day's goal: put away my cell phone from 6 pm until kids are asleep.  I hope to not just to accomplish these two things on this one day, but hopefully long term.

I am also trying to keep up with my extra night prayers.  I miss the years before the kids, going to the mosque every night, praying amidst the crowds, but mentally focused on the Quran in my hands, imagining myself in the masjid in Medina.  It was a different time. I miss thinking about prayer during prayer, and not worrying about which one of the babies may wake up, crying or hungry, or worse, wake the other one up. Being able to sleep in without a toddler jumping on my bed was an added luxury at the time.

Over the past few years, I have felt the hole left in my faith by not fasting. I felt deficient, but too tired to do anything about. I tried to read a lot of Quran, but my eyes would close a few minutes into it.

This year I am trying not to focus on fasting(rather not fasting), but instead revel in worshipping Allah through my children. I know it's not the same, but I know it's accepted just the same. Allah will reward whatever I can muster up the strength to do at the end of the day, as long as I make my intention solely to please Him.

Inshalah.

Eid Mubarak

Hope you guys had a great Eid..a belated Eid Mubarak to all..
I plan on extending Eid for as long as possible..

There's a sisters Eid Party I planned with some friends on Oct. 28th..hope to go to Eid breakfast on the 27th...having an Eid dinner for my cousins this weekend..

that's how Eid should be! Forget the 10 days of Christmas..this is much better...

oh and I got a beautiful J Crew coat for Eid..it has thinsulate which is more precious to me than a bag of diamonds in a harsh winter (that's every winter to me) If you've never tried on a coat with thinsulate you're missing out!

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And one another note-- Fasting outside Ramadan? Is it because the Shaitans are unchained again?

It's impossible for me..I believe it's one of the hardest things to do...

Anyone else have this problem? Any advice?